Sometimes you just have to stop. And breathe. Stop and breathe. Stop. Breathe.
So several years ago, I self diagnosed myself with ADD. My mind goes a mile a minute, and according to my logic, I can’t seem to slow it down.
I could go on and on with how it affects my life but for now, I’ll focus on dating, as that has been my latest obsession…or shall I say biggest distraction…or shall I say…the thing I’ve allowed to take my attention.
“The thing I’ve allowed to take my attention.” Powerful right? Lol. Not really, but there is so much truth in that statement.
For about a month now, maybe two, I bumped up the number of dates I’ve been on…and not just dates but people in general. Now, nothing is wrong with dating. Let me be the first to say that. However, intention while dating plays a large role in how dating goes for an individual.
**May I just say by the way that sitting here at work with way too much stimuli calling my name (my phone, this other website I’m on, this magazine right next to me, the music in the gym) makes it really hard to stay on topic. Ok, I digressed…sorry.
Over the last two months, I’ve gone through some very drastic changes in my life. On May 26th, my grandfather, whom I was extremely close to by the way, suddenly passed. About three weeks later, I decided to quit my job of four years. During the process of losing my grandfather (“process” because he was in hospice at this point), I was dating a guy…we shall call him “M”. “M” was nice, funny, tall, smart, caring, and did I mention tall? While there were days I did not want to get out of bed, he was there to make sure I not only got out of bed, but also got out of the apartment. Though my eyes would be puffy from crying all day, my cheeks were semi-sore from laughing with him. When we weren’t stuffing our faces, we were engaging in very good conversations. We would take walks around Midtown, and he even gave me a piggy-back ride, a whole block mind you, off of Peachtree. Magical times. Simple pleasures.
Now fast-forward a couple weeks when I was so fed-up with my job that I gave them my notice on a Sunday and I left that Tuesday.
With all of those changes happening, you would think I’d be sitting down somewhere and taking all of those changes in. However, I “couldn’t”. I didn’t. I jumped from one problem to a temporary fix. Instead of letting all of the new changes simmer, focusing on taking it all in and adjusting as necessary, I instead let my mind jump to the next perceived distraction from it all. I allowed dating to take my attention.
I so badly wanted to not handle what was already a plate-that-had-almost-runneth-over in problems and changes. I so badly yearned to lose myself in something and someone new. I would have rather put my energy into focusing on someone else and the issues that would arise or the fun that could be had with them instead of focusing that same energy on me and dealing with what was already on my plate.
I always hear that there is a reason for everything…regardless if we recognize the reason during the moment. Of course there could be several lessons that I can stand to learn from it all, but one thing I know for sure is this: I was being propelled into another stage of growth. I know that this is the time in which I need to start making the moves and changes necessary to go to the next stage in my life. Growth can’t happen where you’re comfortable and leaving my comfortable job proved that.
I am everyone’s biggest cheerleader but my own. I want those around me (friends, family, sheesh even strangers) to rise to their potential and follow their dreams and find solace knowing that “I’ll be OK. It’s going to work out” instead of MAKING it work out for me.
Knowing that my granddad is now my guardian angel, I know that whatever my hands now touch, they must not let go until I master it, as he would always tell me “If you’re going to do something, do it right.”
So, in closing, I want to bring my focus back and center it on me. I want to find and nurture the scared little girl within me that is freaking out at life now. I want to dive in on my inner most dreams and wants for myself. I want to fight for myself to make it… because I will. All the while living this major life. Welcome & stay tuned. (: